D.

Sometimes a void,
Sometimes a black sea,
Sometimes you feel a flicker of happiness,
Sometimes you just want to crawl out of your own skin,
It’s always there, yes, the feeling of freefall, of drowning but never dying, of chewing but never swallowing or spitting out,
You share but you can feel the uncanny dismissal of the beings that swear they love you,
“Everything will be fine” seems as far as the Stone Age,
You wonder when you’ll be put out of your misery,
You pray but no one listens,
You are slipping,
Your heart is aching,
Your mind is failing,
And suddenly,
It’s there,
Light,
Overwhelming light,
Hope,
The feeling of satisfaction that one day, either way, Depression or not, we die.


This is a little something I wrote back in the days of my sojourn in the wilderness of pitch black. It was probably the very first time I realised I had hypothetically received a writing talent from the God of talents due the feedback I got from the select few I showed the above piece.


I recently bagged a degree in Psychology (felt good to say that) and one thing I always hear from the simpletons I discussed my mental health with in the past was “oh how come? They should have taught you how to handle so-so in your course now”. Lol, as if it works that way.
The truth is nobody; I mean NOBODY (boyfriend, parents, pastor, peers) or NOTHING can make you “snap out” of depression. Oh and don’t think “I can handle stuff myself”. You actually need to get HELP! Psychiatric help, sometimes it’s just your body not producing enough serotonin; a little boost and bye-bye depression. Psychotherapy helps too; but this country is bad so good luck finding a therapist that isn’t judging or a therapist that doesn’t want to take you to the other room.


If you feel like you need to talk to someone, I’m here, let’s be best friends, I’m funny; the crazy, I-wish-I-met-you-a-long-time-ago funny. I’ll make you piss your pants (figuratively please, can’t spoil the slay, drip is eternal). Send an email to [email protected]

Love & Light.

Leave a comment, do you understand the opening piece?

 

Incase you’re wondering, the title “D” stand’s for depression.

 

I know I said I’ll be gone for two weeks but I’m back after one. Miss me? Check out my previous posts.

 

 



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Le Reina

My name is Esther, Queen Esther. I am a Nigerian psychologist navigating blindly through this tornado called life. The words best used to describe me are witty, pretty, chubby and bubbly. Welcome to my blog.

30 thoughts on “D.

  • February 28, 2020 at 6:25 am
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    your blog posts are soooo relatable and I love love ittt❤️

    Reply
  • February 28, 2020 at 6:47 am
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    I’m so glad you are back. I’m so happy you said nobody can bring you out of your depression, I think people need to understand that, like “I’m not a lover of sadness, it’s just difficult to stop being sad”. Congratulations on your first degree♥️

    Reply
  • February 28, 2020 at 7:40 am
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    A lot of people really think depression is a joke. We hear things like Nigerians cannot be depressed (BS), we have tough skin (yen yen yen). They need sensitization.

    Thanks for this great piece though, I look forward to the next.💖

    Reply
    • February 28, 2020 at 8:30 am
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      Once, I had many things on my mind. Things I could just leave be but I didn’t. I got depressed and I didn’t even know it. The way I got out? Well, I just had to eat good food, mind my business more often.
      The thing is no one can actually take you out of depression, they would all try to motivate you to stop being sober and since they’re not you, they can’t help at all.

      I love the poem btw ❤️

      Reply
      • February 28, 2020 at 9:12 am
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        You’re an eater like me😂😂 😂, coming out of depression takes a lot of inner strength. Thank you so much ❤️ ❤️❤️

        Reply
    • February 28, 2020 at 9:14 am
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      As if depression cares about the color of your skin or your race. Like I said simpletons everywhere, they really need sensitization. Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
    • April 11, 2020 at 2:43 pm
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      Interesting thought on this

      Reply
      • April 11, 2020 at 3:23 pm
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        Thanks💓

        Reply
  • February 28, 2020 at 10:45 am
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    Welcome back Le Reina.

    Reply
  • February 28, 2020 at 10:46 am
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    Congratulations on your degree. Lol I legit can’t believe someone thinks cuz you studied psychology you automatically can’t get depressed. And this is really a relatable post . Love and light 💕

    Reply
  • February 28, 2020 at 6:53 pm
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    Damn… So deep… Mental health is important biko… I hope people find this educative n seek help in areas that they need help… Weldone Esther

    Reply
  • February 28, 2020 at 6:55 pm
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    Hmmmmm
    Thanks for this great piece ❤

    Reply
  • February 28, 2020 at 7:03 pm
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    You should write more poetry

    Reply
  • March 1, 2020 at 5:10 am
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    Finally got to finish reading this as I was always caught up every time since you posted, love the poetry…..beautiful and relatable posts, like very very relatable I just cried myself out of a situation I’ve been holding on to..girl keep it up..I’m here for all of it❤️😍

    Reply
  • March 1, 2020 at 8:41 am
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    Great piece, glad to know I’m not alone

    Reply
  • March 1, 2020 at 8:43 am
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    This post is so relatable. Nigerians always assume that you can’t be depressed. Thanks for this.

    Reply
  • March 3, 2020 at 10:11 am
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    I love this blog more and I am happy for you…

    Let’s keep preaching this gospel in the ears of those that need it

    Reply

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