NEWS FLASH: You will NEVER get over him!

Just kidding, you will get over him. Trust me you will, as long as you refrain from saying things about his new girlfriend like “she looks like a toad“, “she’s shaped like a fridge“, even though she does or is.

Relationships are hard and breakups are harder. I’m not talking about your instagram boyfriend of two weeks; I’m talking about the ”you’ve-seen-my-butthole-and-we-almost-got-married” boyfriend. Okay that’s a bit intense but you get what I mean.

Breakups are part of growing up, essential in personality development and character building, so do not shy away. Like it or not, they will happen (except you’re with your high-school sweetheart until you die). You can curse like a hood rat and threaten to rain fire and brimstone on him but if you do not sort through your feelings and go through the process of healing, you will just be a grenade, getting ready to explode (in your new relationship).

Here are some tips and tricks that have worked for me:

1. Mourn the ode like he died:

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You can call me a crackhead but he really did die. He’s dead and gone from your life. So cry sis, weep, wear sackcloth like a Jewish girl. Organize a whole funeral in your head; complete with puff-puff and scented candles. Do what those white girls in movies do (wearing dark eyeliner and crying in front of a mirror while smudging the eyeliner to produce black tears). Crying a lot after a break up is therapeutic. The tears will eventually finish. When the tears stop flowing, put on your bad girl Riri outfit, carry a big shovel, dig a hole deeper than 6ft (even in your mind you must do fit fam), and bury him.

*I recommend a wooden coffin laced with holy water incase he becomes a vampire*

DISCLAIMER: This exercise (apart from the crying) is done in your mind. I didn’t say you should hunt him down and kill him (I wish you could though). Last time I checked, Nigeria still gives the death penalty for manslaughter. Stay safe Queens.

2. Accept that you were toxic too:

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This is probably the hardest part because of something in psychology called the “Egocentric Bias”. It is the tendency to rely too heavily on one’s own perspective and have a higher opinion of oneself than reality. It’s basically exaggerating events for memory consolidation and to satisfy one’s ego (my B.sc cannot be wasting).

After a breakup, it’s very easy to paint him as a demon and forget that you were practically Lilith the mother of demons. Yes Felicia, don’t look away i’m talking to you. No need to take a shit on his image to your friends. What if he was just dense and couldn’t love you the way you wanted? What if you were selfish and self-seeking? What if you guys were just incompatible? Did you think about that O Saint Felicia III? Talking about “He lost me, I didn’t lose him”, “He will never find anyone like me”, that’s his plan dear, now shut up and move on.

3. Keep your distance:

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You are scrolling through his twitter, what you’re looking for, you will see it and then maybe your head will reset. img_20200408_1302479034743803742130391.jpg

I know you miss him. You guys have a lot of memories together and you can’t stomach the fact that he is happy without you. Well, He is. Deal with it. Block him everywhere if it helps. I don’t believe in all that “we can be friends” crap. It works for some people though. Don’t try it if you’re the fragile I-can’t-live-without-you type. It’s the ghetto, would not recommend.

4. Re-discover yourself & Pray:

There is more to life than being someone’s girlfriend. Chill a little bit, loosen up, have fun. Read books and make sure you have a good support system. You are a QUEEN for heavens sake. Act like it. If you are religious, Pray. Sometimes the burden is way too much for you and that’s okay. Remember:

“To love is to have the strength of a thousand mules”. – (L.R.B 2020).

Love & Light.

 

I know I exceeded my usual 2 minutes reading time. Forgive me?

 

Leave a comment and don’t forget to share with your friends. My email [email protected] is always open. Let’s be besties.

 

If you’re new here, Thank you for gracing me with your presence. Check out my previous posts.



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Le Reina

My name is Esther, Queen Esther. I am a Nigerian psychologist navigating blindly through this tornado called life. The words best used to describe me are witty, pretty, chubby and bubbly. Welcome to my blog.

46 thoughts on “NEWS FLASH: You will NEVER get over him!

  • April 9, 2020 at 3:03 pm
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    There’s a Lotta craziness in this write up…. But I’ve learnt n I have d right recipe for getting over HIM.. tnx queen…. I’m still wondering how someone else can see ur butthole tho

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:10 pm
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      Thanks baby girl๐Ÿ˜‚ I’d rather not say ๐Ÿ˜‚

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:03 pm
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    Did you really write ” mourn the Ode like he died”? ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I just can’t with you.
    Nice advice and a very good read.

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:11 pm
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      Yes๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Thanks ๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:08 pm
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    Funny as ever with great advice. The clown picture, i just cant with you ๐Ÿ˜‚. This was really good, you’re forgiven.

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:11 pm
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      Thanks you very much Gigi๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:10 pm
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    I just looked in the mirror and I’m thinking to myself, was I “Lilith the mother of demons”? Thanks LRB ๐Ÿ˜‚. Nice writeup too

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:12 pm
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      ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ thank you ๐Ÿ’“

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:23 pm
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    Awww The Eyilayo, Thank you so much ๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“ means a lot ๐Ÿ˜˜

    Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:28 pm
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    This is as real as it gets.
    I love how realistic your contents are always.
    Youโ€™re a great writer LRB. Thanks for showing us how much of a Queen you are.โค๏ธ

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:37 pm
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      Awwwwww Sewa. Thank you so much, ๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ˜

      Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:53 pm
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      Your content is really good.
      I love your write up tbh
      Sha donโ€™t give up.
      Iโ€™m your biggest fan ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

      Reply
      • April 9, 2020 at 3:55 pm
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        Awwwwww Thank you so much๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“

        Reply
        • April 9, 2020 at 4:44 pm
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          Esther ma pami now, โ€œmourn the ode like he diedโ€ โ€œyouโ€™ve-seen-my-butthole-and-we-almost-got-marriedโ€ boyfriendโ€ kuku kill me ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. I was just laughing so hard while still digesting everything Mehn you couldnโ€™t have been more right though.
          Although Iโ€™m part of the we can remain friends even after we are done. I feel itโ€™s the relationship that didnโ€™t work doesnโ€™t mean friendship have to die ๐Ÿ™ˆuntil my ex boyfriend said his new girlfriend wasnโ€™t cool with us being friends ๐Ÿ˜‚and honestly I was and I am very much over him but I guess she just couldnโ€™t deal๐Ÿ˜‚ maybe she was feeling threatened ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
          Nice nice one boo ๐Ÿ‘ youโ€™re doing well

          Reply
          • April 9, 2020 at 4:57 pm
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            Do you baby girl, yeah she was obviously threatened๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Thank you so much love, I’m glad you liked this article ๐Ÿ’“

        • April 16, 2020 at 3:23 pm
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          Lmao I feel like I just stumbled into the inner workings of a woman’s mind. Y’all don’t rate us….
          Your content is too real and funny. Keep it up!

          Reply
          • April 17, 2020 at 3:14 pm
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            ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚yeah you just did, Thanks so much ๐Ÿ’“ ๐Ÿ’“

  • April 9, 2020 at 3:30 pm
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    LRB!!!!
    The bad girl Riri part though..lol

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:39 pm
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      Yes every girl needs a bad girl Riri outfit ๐Ÿ˜‚

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:51 pm
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    That money heist meme got me maddd. Great one โค๏ธ
    Although sumborri cannor relate ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜‚

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:55 pm
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      Me I only write about what I’ve experienced or know๐Ÿ˜… Thank you so much. #Berlinforever

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 4:18 pm
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    very nice write up, funny too but very realistic. I hope queens draw strength from this write up

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 4:30 pm
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      Awww Thank you so much๐Ÿ’“

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 4:26 pm
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    “Mourn the ode like he died” as a guy I felt it. Lovely piece! You’re doing great.

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 4:30 pm
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      Thank you so much๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 4:50 pm
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    Wow, nice write up and this came right on time. I kinda pictured the whole mourn him like heโ€™s dead in my head and you really donโ€™t wanna know the outfit I picked for his funeral๐Ÿ˜‚… Keep it up, LRB.

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 4:55 pm
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      Yasssss baby girl ๐Ÿ˜‚ thanks so much ๐Ÿ’“ ๐Ÿ’“

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 7:30 pm
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    Omg, I’m already in love with your blog. I wonder if there’s a way I could get notified each time you post a new article

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 8:10 pm
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      Awwwwww leave your email, I’ll send you a mail personally. Thank you so much ๐Ÿ’“ ๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿคฉ

      Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 8:19 pm
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      So I can see your email here, I have sent you a mail already. Thank you so much once again.

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 10:56 pm
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    OMG! I can’t believe that I left this beautiful piece since it got published to read now.
    More creativity Esther ๐Ÿ’ฏ

    Reply
    • April 10, 2020 at 1:36 am
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      Thanks my love ๐Ÿ’“

      Reply
  • April 10, 2020 at 7:31 am
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    I love what you’re doing here Esther, keep it up you’re going places baby girl.

    Reply
    • April 10, 2020 at 7:46 am
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      Joshua!!! I love you๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“ Thank you so much๐Ÿ˜˜

      Reply
  • April 10, 2020 at 2:20 pm
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    To love is to have the strength of a thousand mules.

    That will stick with me forever โค

    Reply
    • April 10, 2020 at 5:38 pm
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      Omg Vanessa ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜, I’m flattered ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜š๐Ÿ˜š

      Reply
  • April 10, 2020 at 3:33 pm
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    Lol guyyyyy!! Your posts are a vibe.!

    Reply
    • April 10, 2020 at 5:37 pm
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      Thanks ๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ˜˜

      Reply
  • April 11, 2020 at 2:20 pm
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    Basically, I had fun and learnt a lot…thank you๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–…and yeah…we can be friends ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Š

    Reply
    • April 11, 2020 at 3:23 pm
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      Awwwwww, Thank you so much ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“ yayy๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿ’ƒ

      Reply
  • April 11, 2020 at 2:40 pm
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    Well for someone who hasn’t been in a relationship before or hasn’t felt what love is, is it weird for that to happen.
    Any dangers of one being single for so long and never had a relationship even once.

    Reply
    • April 11, 2020 at 3:25 pm
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      It is not weird. I’ve been single for almost 2 years now. Maybe you just aren’t putting yourself out there. There is no danger, when you find the right person, everything come naturally. Have a wonderful day๐Ÿ’“

      Reply

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