NEWS FLASH: You will NEVER get over him!

Just kidding, you will get over him. Trust me you will, as long as you refrain from saying things about his new girlfriend like “she looks like a toad“, “she’s shaped like a fridge“, even though she does or is.

Relationships are hard and breakups are harder. I’m not talking about your instagram boyfriend of two weeks; I’m talking about the ”you’ve-seen-my-butthole-and-we-almost-got-married” boyfriend. Okay that’s a bit intense but you get what I mean.

Breakups are part of growing up, essential in personality development and character building, so do not shy away. Like it or not, they will happen (except you’re with your high-school sweetheart until you die). You can curse like a hood rat and threaten to rain fire and brimstone on him but if you do not sort through your feelings and go through the process of healing, you will just be a grenade, getting ready to explode (in your new relationship).

Here are some tips and tricks that have worked for me:

1. Mourn the ode like he died:

img_20200408_1237466146070235735204060.jpg

You can call me a crackhead but he really did die. He’s dead and gone from your life. So cry sis, weep, wear sackcloth like a Jewish girl. Organize a whole funeral in your head; complete with puff-puff and scented candles. Do what those white girls in movies do (wearing dark eyeliner and crying in front of a mirror while smudging the eyeliner to produce black tears). Crying a lot after a break up is therapeutic. The tears will eventually finish. When the tears stop flowing, put on your bad girl Riri outfit, carry a big shovel, dig a hole deeper than 6ft (even in your mind you must do fit fam), and bury him.

*I recommend a wooden coffin laced with holy water incase he becomes a vampire*

DISCLAIMER: This exercise (apart from the crying) is done in your mind. I didn’t say you should hunt him down and kill him (I wish you could though). Last time I checked, Nigeria still gives the death penalty for manslaughter. Stay safe Queens.

2. Accept that you were toxic too:

5ebe00bd4fe0e7a9aeb12c5b5a1010cb

This is probably the hardest part because of something in psychology called the “Egocentric Bias”. It is the tendency to rely too heavily on one’s own perspective and have a higher opinion of oneself than reality. It’s basically exaggerating events for memory consolidation and to satisfy one’s ego (my B.sc cannot be wasting).

After a breakup, it’s very easy to paint him as a demon and forget that you were practically Lilith the mother of demons. Yes Felicia, don’t look away i’m talking to you. No need to take a shit on his image to your friends. What if he was just dense and couldn’t love you the way you wanted? What if you were selfish and self-seeking? What if you guys were just incompatible? Did you think about that O Saint Felicia III? Talking about “He lost me, I didn’t lose him”, “He will never find anyone like me”, that’s his plan dear, now shut up and move on.

3. Keep your distance:

img_20200407_1826391676746690872002330.jpg

You are scrolling through his twitter, what you’re looking for, you will see it and then maybe your head will reset. img_20200408_1302479034743803742130391.jpg

I know you miss him. You guys have a lot of memories together and you can’t stomach the fact that he is happy without you. Well, He is. Deal with it. Block him everywhere if it helps. I don’t believe in all that “we can be friends” crap. It works for some people though. Don’t try it if you’re the fragile I-can’t-live-without-you type. It’s the ghetto, would not recommend.

4. Re-discover yourself & Pray:

There is more to life than being someone’s girlfriend. Chill a little bit, loosen up, have fun. Read books and make sure you have a good support system. You are a QUEEN for heavens sake. Act like it. If you are religious, Pray. Sometimes the burden is way too much for you and that’s okay. Remember:

“To love is to have the strength of a thousand mules”. – (L.R.B 2020).

Love & Light.

 

I know I exceeded my usual 2 minutes reading time. Forgive me?

 

Leave a comment and don’t forget to share with your friends. My email [email protected] is always open. Let’s be besties.

 

If you’re new here, Thank you for gracing me with your presence. Check out my previous posts.



Subscribe to Le Reina Via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Le Reina

My name is Esther, Queen Esther. I am a Nigerian psychologist navigating blindly through this tornado called life. The words best used to describe me are witty, pretty, chubby and bubbly. Welcome to my blog.

46 thoughts on “NEWS FLASH: You will NEVER get over him!

  • April 9, 2020 at 3:03 pm
    Permalink

    There’s a Lotta craziness in this write up…. But I’ve learnt n I have d right recipe for getting over HIM.. tnx queen…. I’m still wondering how someone else can see ur butthole tho

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:10 pm
      Permalink

      Thanks baby girlπŸ˜‚ I’d rather not say πŸ˜‚

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:03 pm
    Permalink

    Did you really write ” mourn the Ode like he died”? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I just can’t with you.
    Nice advice and a very good read.

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:11 pm
      Permalink

      YesπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Thanks πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:08 pm
    Permalink

    Funny as ever with great advice. The clown picture, i just cant with you πŸ˜‚. This was really good, you’re forgiven.

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:11 pm
      Permalink

      Thanks you very much GigiπŸ’“πŸ’“

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:10 pm
    Permalink

    I just looked in the mirror and I’m thinking to myself, was I “Lilith the mother of demons”? Thanks LRB πŸ˜‚. Nice writeup too

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:12 pm
      Permalink

      πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ thank you πŸ’“

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:23 pm
    Permalink

    Awww The Eyilayo, Thank you so much πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“ means a lot 😘

    Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:28 pm
    Permalink

    This is as real as it gets.
    I love how realistic your contents are always.
    You’re a great writer LRB. Thanks for showing us how much of a Queen you are.❀️

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:37 pm
      Permalink

      Awwwwww Sewa. Thank you so much, πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ˜

      Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:53 pm
      Permalink

      Your content is really good.
      I love your write up tbh
      Sha don’t give up.
      I’m your biggest fan 😘😘😘

      Reply
      • April 9, 2020 at 3:55 pm
        Permalink

        Awwwwww Thank you so muchπŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

        Reply
        • April 9, 2020 at 4:44 pm
          Permalink

          Esther ma pami now, β€œmourn the ode like he died” β€œyou’ve-seen-my-butthole-and-we-almost-got-married” boyfriend” kuku kill me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I was just laughing so hard while still digesting everything Mehn you couldn’t have been more right though.
          Although I’m part of the we can remain friends even after we are done. I feel it’s the relationship that didn’t work doesn’t mean friendship have to die πŸ™ˆuntil my ex boyfriend said his new girlfriend wasn’t cool with us being friends πŸ˜‚and honestly I was and I am very much over him but I guess she just couldn’t dealπŸ˜‚ maybe she was feeling threatened πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
          Nice nice one boo πŸ‘ you’re doing well

          Reply
          • April 9, 2020 at 4:57 pm
            Permalink

            Do you baby girl, yeah she was obviously threatenedπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Thank you so much love, I’m glad you liked this article πŸ’“

        • April 16, 2020 at 3:23 pm
          Permalink

          Lmao I feel like I just stumbled into the inner workings of a woman’s mind. Y’all don’t rate us….
          Your content is too real and funny. Keep it up!

          Reply
          • April 17, 2020 at 3:14 pm
            Permalink

            πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚yeah you just did, Thanks so much πŸ’“ πŸ’“

  • April 9, 2020 at 3:30 pm
    Permalink

    LRB!!!!
    The bad girl Riri part though..lol

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:39 pm
      Permalink

      Yes every girl needs a bad girl Riri outfit πŸ˜‚

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 3:51 pm
    Permalink

    That money heist meme got me maddd. Great one ❀️
    Although sumborri cannor relate πŸ’”πŸ˜‚

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 3:55 pm
      Permalink

      Me I only write about what I’ve experienced or knowπŸ˜… Thank you so much. #Berlinforever

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 4:18 pm
    Permalink

    very nice write up, funny too but very realistic. I hope queens draw strength from this write up

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 4:30 pm
      Permalink

      Awww Thank you so muchπŸ’“

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 4:26 pm
    Permalink

    “Mourn the ode like he died” as a guy I felt it. Lovely piece! You’re doing great.

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 4:30 pm
      Permalink

      Thank you so muchπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 4:50 pm
    Permalink

    Wow, nice write up and this came right on time. I kinda pictured the whole mourn him like he’s dead in my head and you really don’t wanna know the outfit I picked for his funeralπŸ˜‚… Keep it up, LRB.

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 4:55 pm
      Permalink

      Yasssss baby girl πŸ˜‚ thanks so much πŸ’“ πŸ’“

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 7:30 pm
    Permalink

    Omg, I’m already in love with your blog. I wonder if there’s a way I could get notified each time you post a new article

    Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 8:10 pm
      Permalink

      Awwwwww leave your email, I’ll send you a mail personally. Thank you so much πŸ’“ πŸ’“πŸ€©

      Reply
    • April 9, 2020 at 8:19 pm
      Permalink

      So I can see your email here, I have sent you a mail already. Thank you so much once again.

      Reply
  • April 9, 2020 at 10:56 pm
    Permalink

    OMG! I can’t believe that I left this beautiful piece since it got published to read now.
    More creativity Esther πŸ’―

    Reply
    • April 10, 2020 at 1:36 am
      Permalink

      Thanks my love πŸ’“

      Reply
  • April 10, 2020 at 7:31 am
    Permalink

    I love what you’re doing here Esther, keep it up you’re going places baby girl.

    Reply
    • April 10, 2020 at 7:46 am
      Permalink

      Joshua!!! I love youπŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“ Thank you so much😘

      Reply
  • April 10, 2020 at 2:20 pm
    Permalink

    To love is to have the strength of a thousand mules.

    That will stick with me forever ❀

    Reply
    • April 10, 2020 at 5:38 pm
      Permalink

      Omg Vanessa 😍😍😍, I’m flattered πŸ˜‹πŸ˜šπŸ˜š

      Reply
  • April 10, 2020 at 3:33 pm
    Permalink

    Lol guyyyyy!! Your posts are a vibe.!

    Reply
    • April 10, 2020 at 5:37 pm
      Permalink

      Thanks πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ˜˜

      Reply
  • April 11, 2020 at 2:20 pm
    Permalink

    Basically, I had fun and learnt a lot…thank youπŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ’–πŸ’–…and yeah…we can be friends 😁😊

    Reply
    • April 11, 2020 at 3:23 pm
      Permalink

      Awwwwww, Thank you so much πŸ˜πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“ yayyπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ

      Reply
  • April 11, 2020 at 2:40 pm
    Permalink

    Well for someone who hasn’t been in a relationship before or hasn’t felt what love is, is it weird for that to happen.
    Any dangers of one being single for so long and never had a relationship even once.

    Reply
    • April 11, 2020 at 3:25 pm
      Permalink

      It is not weird. I’ve been single for almost 2 years now. Maybe you just aren’t putting yourself out there. There is no danger, when you find the right person, everything come naturally. Have a wonderful dayπŸ’“

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.