Foolishness, Fantasies, Frustration: 5 things I wish I knew at 18

The title of this blog post sounds like I’m in my 60’s and I’m sitting on the front porch of my house in Bergen, Norway sipping on hot cocoa and my only companion is my cat purring from hunger in the corner as I’m trying to salvage memories from my 20’s and feel a little bit, even if it’s a flicker of nostalgia and console myself that I lived a worthy life.

martin luther

Sorry Martin, you know how intense I can be. There is still time to correct things seeing that I just turned 22 back in February and my 60’s is still far away. The only thing I’m keeping from that pathetic life story is moving to Northern Europe with all the beautiful fjords and tempestuous weather.

Turning 18 is a big deal, “you’re an adult now” they said, “you can vote now” (as if it counts) they said, you can do so so and so as if Nigeria (the giant of third world countries) has given you opportunities to flourish from an early age. It can be annoying and discouraging if things don’t go as planned. Yeah it’s a bit crazy and new and confusing and overwhelming to find your footing in this lonely world and it’s even thrice as hard if you’re Nigerian. 

i hate it here

Looking back to when I turned 18 and all the experiences that have shaped me, the following are the things I wish I knew:

1. School is not a scam:

   School/education, skill acquisition and networking are very important. I wish I had put in extra work and gotten better grades because if you’ve guessed, I’m very smart! (cocky much?)  I was the un-serious kid that just wanted to get the barest minimum grade required to move to the next level. It’s not like I spent time partying and socializing and doing other regular ‘Uni’ stuff, I just didn’t care about studying. I’ll try again in my second degree/masters.

stay in school

2. Go easy with the trusting:

I was a bit naive at 18; throwing trust up and down like the scene from La casa del papel(Money heist) where they shared money from the sky. I’ve been burned so much from doling out trust that I’m close to paranoid now but at the same time you can’t let the actions of some dimwits determine how you trust. Thinking back I wish I’d been a bit cautious.

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3.Nobody owes you anything:

Less expectation, Less disappointment. You can be on your high horse thinking “oh, I can’t do this to this person, they won’t do it back”, hahaha I’m laughing in university girls. You can do all you can, tiptoe over other people’s feelings, try to be Mother Theresa to them but you don’t know the stupidity biscuit and the simpleton juice they’ve been consuming from their childhood. Do good because you are good and not because you expect it back to prevent sad stories of “Had I Known”. A lot of drama could have been avoided by my 18 year old self if I’d known this.

4. Breathe, Enjoy, Live:

Thinking back I wish I’d gone for all the dinners and parties. I wish I wasn’t in someone else’s bubble trying to shape my life according to the person’s needs. I didn’t enjoy university life until my final year; I only attended one dinner throughout (of which my friends had to drag me). I don’t even know why I was so detached from reality. Going back to live in the hostel in my final year was a blessing (surprisingly) and I’m glad I made that decision. I am trying to put myself out there and make new friends and maybe enjoy my early twenties (you sly everyone and you don’t reply messages so how dear?). There is hope, hopefully. Oh and slow down on all the chocolates and shawarma dear 18 year old Esther, at 22 you’ll be a size 14.

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5. Men will disgrace you:

Yeah.

 

Love & Light.

 

Leave a comment, any advises for your 18 year old self?

 

 

 

Send an email to [email protected], let’s be besties.

 

Recommended song for the week:

Kygo, Zak Abel – Freedom

 

*the links to the meanings of the words you might not know are added to the highlighted words’

 

If you’re new here, Thank you for gracing me with your presence. Check out my previous posts.

 



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Le Reina

My name is Esther, Queen Esther. I am a Nigerian psychologist navigating blindly through this tornado called life. The words best used to describe me are witty, pretty, chubby and bubbly. Welcome to my blog.

32 thoughts on “Foolishness, Fantasies, Frustration: 5 things I wish I knew at 18

  • May 8, 2020 at 6:52 am
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    This hit different such deep deep something and inspiring as well. It was worth the wait

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    • May 8, 2020 at 6:54 am
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      Thank you so much 💓 💓

      Reply
  • May 8, 2020 at 9:03 am
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    Amazing post dear. I could really relate with it. I used to expect people to be good to me because I am to them but now I realise that people are going to be people, do your own and go.

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    • May 8, 2020 at 9:08 am
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      Exactly 💓💓💓 Thank you

      Reply
  • May 8, 2020 at 9:10 am
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    Honestly, this looks like a flashback of myself when I was 18 and even now in my early twenties. I learnt it’s not everyone you do good too that will like you, just be YOU. This is a nice work dear, 💝💝 Keep being YOU!!!

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    • May 8, 2020 at 9:17 am
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      Thank you my sweet Clementine!💓

      Reply
  • May 8, 2020 at 9:22 am
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    Cheers to living out and laughing loud❤️
    Number 5 is very important!😂

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    • May 8, 2020 at 9:30 am
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      Very very important 😂😂😂 Cheers🥂

      Reply
  • May 8, 2020 at 9:24 am
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    That part of breathing, enjoying and living… That was one thing I wish I had known earlier and will continue to remind myself as I get older.. Thank you Esther ❤

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    • May 8, 2020 at 9:31 am
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      Anytime Love 💓💓💓

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  • May 8, 2020 at 9:31 am
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    This post is soooo relatable almost like you’re talking about me 😂😂
    Let’s just thank God for growth. Amazing write up

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    • May 8, 2020 at 9:32 am
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      Abi o😂😂😂 Thank you so much 💓 💓

      Reply
  • May 8, 2020 at 9:40 am
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    I really can relate to everything you listed here 😪… But… We learn everyday.. So we move😌

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    • May 8, 2020 at 9:41 am
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      We moveeeee😂

      Reply
  • May 8, 2020 at 10:00 am
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    Seems like we are having the same train of thoughts🤔

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    • May 8, 2020 at 10:07 am
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      😂😂😂we gather dey

      Reply
  • May 8, 2020 at 10:45 am
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    Babe!! This post is so relatable . I wish at 18 I knew to stop worrying or crying about certain things. They don’t even matter now, all that pressure

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    • May 8, 2020 at 11:09 am
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      I know right 😂 thank you so much for reaching out 💓💓💓💓💓

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    • May 8, 2020 at 1:59 pm
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      💓💓💓💓💓💓

      Reply
  • May 8, 2020 at 1:48 pm
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    The try harder with my grades hit me hard. No be say I no get sense but laziness sha

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    • May 8, 2020 at 1:59 pm
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      Abi ooo, we go try again 😂😘😘😘

      Reply
  • May 8, 2020 at 2:10 pm
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    I wished my 18yr old self didn’t stress and cry much about things that I could have easily handled.
    Thank you so much for this Esther💜

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    • May 8, 2020 at 3:31 pm
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      We learn from our experiences, it makes us stronger 💓 💓 💓

      Reply
  • May 9, 2020 at 1:59 pm
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    This is 👌

    I’m also so glad I came back to school hostel only final year. Honestly, looking back at Uni, I wish I put myself out there more. Grades are important; but I wish I did more with myself than I did

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    • May 9, 2020 at 2:08 pm
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      💓💓💓💓We moveee

      Reply
  • May 10, 2020 at 2:31 am
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    The “men will disgrace you” part had me dead. This was a nice article, also I’ve been enjoying your song recommendations, keep it coming.

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    • May 10, 2020 at 2:37 pm
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      Thank you so much Gigi 💓😍

      Reply
  • May 10, 2020 at 5:05 am
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    I was the laziest when it came to that grade thing, all I knew was pass and move on an heck I could have done a lot more. Guess the rest is for masers and other academic pursuits!
    Nice write up Esther.

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    • May 10, 2020 at 2:38 pm
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      Thank you so much 💓 💓 Best of luck with everything 😘

      Reply
  • May 10, 2020 at 3:10 pm
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    I should have seen this article earlier so that I could save my crying for now, adulting is a madness. This is too relatable, you can stop reading our minds now. Lol, I’m kidding, when is our next article, don’t keep us waiting too long.
    PS: This was my first time seeing your blog and I’m loving all of it, keep it up.

    Reply
    • May 10, 2020 at 4:16 pm
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      OMG Christina 😍, thank you very much for stopping by. I try to post articles every week, so next week 😘😘😘

      Reply

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