“Is This How You’ll Be ACTING In Your Husband’s House?”

Nice of you to think I even want to get married.

 

 

Just kidding, I do want to get married, maybe more than I show it. Quick backstory: In Nigeria, much importance is placed on the behaviour of a woman in her matrimony home hence the question in the title of this post.

The thing is I hate hearing that question, it makes it seem like “a husband’s house” is some army boot camp; meet the qualifications and act right or be kicked out. My mother is going to read this article and I can see her in my mind’s eye shaking her head and whispering “Lord, please save my daughter” in Igbo. Just recently she asked me if I was a Lesbian (I feel flattered) because I kept shutting her down when she wanted to talk about boyfriends and the probability of me marrying a rich Christian Igbo man. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mum, she’s literally the coolest and the most supportive when it comes to boy problems but lately she has been intensifying her efforts to get me a man because she knows I’ve been single for a while now and she thinks I’m doing it on purpose (I might be).

I am considered to be on the lazy side of the spectrum because I’d rather have someone else do my laundry, order food rather than cook and outsource even though I totally know how to do all those things. Whenever I do any of those things, I always hear “Oh Esther, you’re so good at this, why don’t you do it often?”, I would though, but when I can’t, do not play the ‘husband’s house’ card. I just don’t understand why it is a norm in some households in Africa for the girls of the family to do the chores while the boys in the house can cross their legs and play FIFA.

I’m interrupting this post to bring an important public announcement for all the misogynists the wind brought to my website;

Sweet Tunde, you’re reading this and you’re calling me a “woke twitter feminist” or “child of Chimamanda”.

I’m advising you to play chess, puzzles or learn a new language to exercise your cerebral cortex which may in turn increase your IQ. Feminism is not about who washes the dishes or not, a simple google search might alleviate your dimwittedness so you can see the light.

Back to what I was saying,

Here are my two cents (more like two kobo) on this whole ‘husband’s house P’ and obviously it’s my own opinion and you don’t have to agree with me. The following questions go through my mind most times;

  1. Are the boys being prepared for marriage as well?
  2. What are the requirements for being a perfect wife? I don’t think there’s a ready to go Manual that you can buy from your local supermarket.
  3. Who made the rules?
  4. Is learning how to do household chores and cooking a life skill or the executive job of the girl child?
  5. Why is this whole thing an issue in the first place?

I think everyone should find out a routine that works out for them and stick with it and remove their eyes (as Nigerians say) from the affairs and decisions of other people. That shouldn’t be so hard. You like women that cook hot meals for you everyday (like you’re an invalid), that’s fine.

You are a girl and you like to cook everyday and you enjoy doing it, that’s equally fine. Find someone that suits your “needs” and refrain from making someone who doesn’t, feel less. Stop making attempts to change people. Not everything is about you dear.

P.S The Christian Grey-Anastasia Steele relationship could work with him ordering her around because he had money in the bank. Yeah, money is not an excuse to act anyhow but it gives a bit of support; like the way lime does with vodka. One Johnson from Ebutte-Meta is out there trying to act macho with an account the size of a proton.

I hope the next generation of men will be different because I am definitely making sure my sons are trained to respect women for their choices and enlightening them on the importance of having life skills (cooking & cleaning). I hope you guys will see the importance and do the same for your own sons.

“Is this how you’ll be acting in your husband’s house?”

Well yes, because if it is ‘MY’ husband’s house, it means He (the husband) won the who-wants-to-be- Esther’s-husband championships cup and he made the cut. He obviously loves me for me and we are in sync like two peas in a pod (Alaye what is this cheesiness?).

Love & Light.

Leave a comment, what’s it like in your household? Do the boys do chores? Are you from a family of all boys, what’s it like?

 

*words you might not know are highlighted, click on them to view their meanings*

Recommended song for the week:

Zayn – Befour

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Le Reina

My name is Esther, Queen Esther. I am a Nigerian psychologist navigating blindly through this tornado called life. The words best used to describe me are witty, pretty, chubby and bubbly. Welcome to my blog.

29 thoughts on ““Is This How You’ll Be ACTING In Your Husband’s House?”

  • June 19, 2020 at 10:57 am
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    No words!!. I just love you…. I died at d tunde part tho

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    • June 19, 2020 at 11:06 am
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      😂😂😂😂I had to use a Tunde.. thanks for checking out my blog 💓💓😘😘😘

      Reply
  • June 19, 2020 at 11:02 am
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    This is a beautiful write up Esther ❤️💝

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    • June 19, 2020 at 11:10 am
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      Thanks!💓💓💓

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  • June 19, 2020 at 11:29 am
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    Please tell our African parents oh!!! Honestly, I just hate the sentence “is this how you will be doing in your husband’s house?”. It’s like they are training me just for my husband’s house. Sometimes I tell my mum, “what about what I like? Does it have to be my husband everytime?” Looking at it sef, I don’t think I got educated just to end up in my husband’s house and do whatever he wants me to do. It’s a mutual agreement and I feel if he loves me, he wouldn’t mind my flaws, why should I be the only one not minding his? Or are his parents training him for “his wife’s house”? Lol! Good article dear, it’s LRB after all❤️❤️

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    • June 19, 2020 at 11:32 am
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      Likeeeee after several years of education and money spent on making myself better, I’ll now because an executive housemaid 😂😂😂 Thanks baby💓💓💓💓

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    • June 19, 2020 at 1:07 pm
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      Honestly, it even appears selfish.
      I mean God forbid I raise my future female children for the purpose of a man. They themselves are the primary beneficiary of any life skill they want to acquire. Want to learn how to cook food? It is because they themselves should enjoy delicious homemade foods. Want them to learn how to clean? It is so they themselves can live in an healthy hygienic home free of germs.

      Any guy that measures a girl’s worth by her ability to cook and clean isn’t looking for a wife but a maid.

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      • June 19, 2020 at 1:58 pm
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        You have said it all!!!!! Thanks for this!💓

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        • June 21, 2020 at 8:07 am
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          Not like I’m bothered but why that nigga gotta be Tunde 😂😂??

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          • June 21, 2020 at 10:13 am
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            That was the first name to come to my head😂😂😂,

  • June 19, 2020 at 12:01 pm
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    You’ve said it all my dear…..I remember watching a movie sometimes back and this guy fell in love with a lady that was qualified “spoilt” because she doesn’t clean often and all….his friends asdvised him against it but he went on and married her, saying he loves her for her. Tell me why, it later became an issue to the extent that he cheated😧🙊I know it’s a movie but my grandma was like yeah she got what she deserve😬and she’s supposed to change and I’m like 😳 because if he knew he wanted a cook all day, everyday wife he could have found himself that….inasmuch as I don’t feel you should be totally useless in your husbands house, I strongly believe you should settle for someone you understand and who understands you as well….but that love will change the person, my dear, it’s not all the time ooo. And I definitely agree to training my boys as well……Well, I my house my brother and I do the chores oo and he even tries to cook at times but they don’t like call on him like they’d call me but he tries sha

    Reply
    • June 19, 2020 at 11:10 am
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      Yeah boys should stop thinking they can change a woman that clearly isn’t what they want. Awww at least your brother is making an effort 💓 Kudos to your mum for raising a great man. Thank you my dear Kezia for this. P.S I always look forward to your comments 😘😘😘💓💓💓💓

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    • June 19, 2020 at 1:03 pm
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      Honestly this husband house thing is exhausting and to think that women are suppose to be proud when they refer to us as wife material. Tueh!!!

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      • June 19, 2020 at 12:07 pm
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        I know right!!! It’s sickening.

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    • June 20, 2020 at 2:05 am
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      True! Why do guys and girls go for what obviously isn’t their niche all because of love that will fade with time (a love with a reason)?

      You know the girl doesn’t Pierce her ears. Why marry her and force her to start using earrings? You know the girl wears exposed clothing. Why marry her and turn her to eleha? You know the girl smokes and has tattoos. Why go ahead and thinks he will change after your first child together or force him to wear long sleeved clothings?
      Individuals should be proud of who they call their partners or spouses…

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      • June 20, 2020 at 8:05 am
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        OMG I can’t stress this enough! Most men suffer from the Saviour’s complex; they think they have the ability to shape women to what they want😐, I hope this changes time goes on! Thanks dear 💓

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  • June 19, 2020 at 12:59 pm
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    Girlllllllllllllll, I love you ❤. I mean there’s so much sense/intelligence in one post.
    I’m saying it again. Esther I love you! ❤.

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    • June 19, 2020 at 1:58 pm
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      OMG I love you too!!!! Thank you so much dear Lolade💓

      Reply
  • June 20, 2020 at 12:48 am
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    The thing is, everyone should do what is right. If you the man can cook and clean, go ahead. It won’t make you less a man or less superior. Parents should tell their boy child these things.
    I had a good time reading. You write well Esther

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    • June 20, 2020 at 12:16 am
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      Exactly!!! Thank you so much 💓 💓💓 💓

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  • June 20, 2020 at 1:58 am
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    Sweetheart well-done with this topic 💯

    Parents especially Nigerians make it look like their female children are basically trained to serve their male counterparts. They even make marriage sound like an ultimate achievement. Marriage is good but I feel it shouldn’t be the essence and target of living.

    Though, most parents make the males do the electronics, car washing & tyre changing, etc while the females do the washing, cooking and cleaning. It is high time things get balanced with parenting here in Nigeria. Let both genders be trained at the same rate against the same odds and chores. Let children decide and choose what they want to engage with more. A female child should be allowed to wash car if she enjoy it more and the make child that loves cooking should not be shamed either.

    Thanks 😉

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    • June 20, 2020 at 8:03 am
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      Well said!!! Marriage isn’t an ultimate achievement but for some it could be (who knows?). What you said about letting the girls decide what they want to do is very important. Thank you so much for this 💓💓💓💓💓💓

      Reply
  • June 20, 2020 at 6:17 pm
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    I like how you write. I don’t always agree with your opinions but regardless they make for a very enjoyable read.
    I can’t wait to read about life when you start dating / marry lol.

    I promise I’m not a “Tunde”, ( I neither despise women nor lack intellectual prowess) I’m just not a big fan of the radical left. And they sound a lot like “woke twitter feminists”

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    • June 20, 2020 at 10:39 pm
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      The radical left😂, Thanks for checking my blog💓, of course you don’t have to agree to everything I say

      Reply
  • June 21, 2020 at 4:22 am
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    LRB, I love it when you shake tables. This is a conversation that people shy away from. I don’t want to go into my opinions about this because it would be so lengthy but I have to say nice one 👍🏽. Keep being controversial girl.
    P.s: your song recommendations are so good, today’s own is my fave.

    Reply
    • June 21, 2020 at 10:13 am
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      Thank you so much!💓💓💓

      Reply

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