Nice of you to think I even want to get married.



Just kidding, I do want to get married, maybe more than I show it. Quick backstory: In Nigeria, much importance is placed on the behaviour of a woman in her matrimony home hence the question in the title of this post.

The thing is I hate hearing that question, it makes it seem like “a husband’s house” is some army boot camp; meet the qualifications and act right or be kicked out. My mother is going to read this article and I can see her in my mind’s eye shaking her head and whispering “Lord, please save my daughter” in Igbo. Just recently she asked me if I was a Lesbian (I feel flattered) because I kept shutting her down when she wanted to talk about boyfriends and the probability of me marrying a rich Christian Igbo man. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mum, she’s literally the coolest and the most supportive when it comes to boy problems but lately she has been intensifying her efforts to get me a man because she knows I’ve been single for a while now and she thinks I’m doing it on purpose (I might be).

I am considered to be on the lazy side of the spectrum because I’d rather have someone else do my laundry, order food rather than cook and outsource even though I totally know how to do all those things. Whenever I do any of those things, I always hear “Oh Esther, you’re so good at this, why don’t you do it often?”, I would though, but when I can’t, do not play the ‘husband’s house’ card. I just don’t understand why it is a norm in some households in Africa for the girls of the family to do the chores while the boys in the house can cross their legs and play FIFA.

I’m interrupting this post to bring an important public announcement for all the misogynists the wind brought to my website;

Sweet Tunde, you’re reading this and you’re calling me a “woke twitter feminist” or “child of Chimamanda”.

I’m advising you to play chess, puzzles or learn a new language to exercise your cerebral cortex which may in turn increase your IQ. Feminism is not about who washes the dishes or not, a simple google search might alleviate your dimwittedness so you can see the light.

Back to what I was saying,

Here are my two cents (more like two kobo) on this whole ‘husband’s house P’ and obviously it’s my own opinion and you don’t have to agree with me. The following questions go through my mind most times;

  1. Are the boys being prepared for marriage as well?
  2. What are the requirements for being a perfect wife? I don’t think there’s a ready to go Manual that you can buy from your local supermarket.
  3. Who made the rules?
  4. Is learning how to do household chores and cooking a life skill or the executive job of the girl child?
  5. Why is this whole thing an issue in the first place?

I think everyone should find out a routine that works out for them and stick with it and remove their eyes (as Nigerians say) from the affairs and decisions of other people. That shouldn’t be so hard. You like women that cook hot meals for you everyday (like you’re an invalid), that’s fine.

You are a girl and you like to cook everyday and you enjoy doing it, that’s equally fine. Find someone that suits your “needs” and refrain from making someone who doesn’t, feel less. Stop making attempts to change people. Not everything is about you dear.

P.S The Christian Grey-Anastasia Steele relationship could work with him ordering her around because he had money in the bank. Yeah, money is not an excuse to act anyhow but it gives a bit of support; like the way lime does with vodka. One Johnson from Ebutte-Meta is out there trying to act macho with an account the size of a proton.

I hope the next generation of men will be different because I am definitely making sure my sons are trained to respect women for their choices and enlightening them on the importance of having life skills (cooking & cleaning). I hope you guys will see the importance and do the same for your own sons.

“Is this how you’ll be acting in your husband’s house?”

Well yes, because if it is ‘MY’ husband’s house, it means He (the husband) won the who-wants-to-be- Esther’s-husband championships cup and he made the cut. He obviously loves me for me and we are in sync like two peas in a pod (Alaye what is this cheesiness?).

Love & Light.

Leave a comment, what’s it like in your household? Do the boys do chores? Are you from a family of all boys, what’s it like?


*words you might not know are highlighted, click on them to view their meanings*

Recommended song for the week:

Zayn – Befour

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Written by

Le Reina

My name is Esther, Queen Esther. I am a Nigerian psychologist navigating blindly through this tornado called life. The words best used to describe me are witty, pretty, chubby and bubbly. Welcome to my blog.