Hey guys, welcome back to my blog.
These past few weeks have been super crazy. Words can not describe how I have been feeling. The government of Nigeria 🇳🇬 that swore to protect has done nothing but kill and coverup. However you can, continue to lend your voice. For more information, check out the following hashtags on twitter: #EndSars #Endpolicebrutality #Lekkimassacre.
The aim of this blogpost is to delve into the aftershocks of failed relationships. It’s all beautiful and rosy and full of passion and chivalry until one of you turns into a heart-eating monster, and just like the way a rag doll is discarded by an angry toddler, you too you get tossed out unceremoniously.
I’ve talked about things to do to help with getting over a relationship or letting go in this article:
Check it out if you haven’t.
So you’ve done all the healing and therapy, you’ve cried blue tears to all the Adele songs you know, you can rap all the lyrics to any song that includes female empowerment or making men your sons, you only watch movies with strong female characters and your favorite word is “No”.
Yes, Done, Over, You’re good, Boy bye, Wheww. But it is not in human design to be alone and so it’s a few months to years down the line, you’re finally out and about in the dating streets, looking for a juicy fruit (man) to pluck and enjoy. Bayo don’t come to my comments section and ask me why I said juicy fruit, I will deck your father, y’all refer to women as flowers in a garden. Thanks. As I was saying, it’s time to mingle and that too is not clicking the way you want it to. You’re thinking “why is this so hard, I just want to start over”, I’m going to show you why.
1. Every head looks like his coconut head:
This is a real thing. You have Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of your last relationship and so everything that reminds you of your ex is a big trigger; from name, to blinking techniques, physical features, words, head tilts, dressing etc. So when you meet someone new that shares the same characteristics as your ex, even if he is ‘Angel Gabriel’, you’ve dusted your slippers and you’re out faster than he can say “hi”. I don’t know the solution to this but I totally understand.
2. You are neck deep in singlehood:
You are neck deep in single-hood and nothing about a relationship appeals to you. You have so much free time, you like that you can disappear and appear anytime. It’s exhilarating and so when a fresh handsome guy with nice teeth and pretty socks asks you out, your brain goes into panic mode and you decline. But your Amen is the loudest when pastor is leading husband related prayers. Okay. Do you.
3. Your eyes are red and you are ready to shoot on sight:
Your standards are like the Burj Khalifa and you cannot take any form of nonsense. If he so much as takes in oxygen the wrong way or buttons his shirt from top to bottom (yes that’s the wrong way), you’re out.
This is sad because you are not even giving him a chance, no one is perfect. I get that you’ve been hurt so much and your walls are up; but girl, you cannot keep snapping at every little thing, it’s not cute.
4. You haven’t met anybody you like/fancy:
It’s hard for you to start over because you have not met anybody you like. There are plenty boys camping in your inbox but none does it for you. There are either boring, talkative, slow, unambitious, clingy or all they want to do is to talk about your sexy body. I know I’m very sexy but maybe I want to talk about global warming or kangaroos or better yet, teach me something new. Not everyday comments about bedding me, I know the girls you’ve been with and they didn’t like it very much.
Lol you can tell this category is close to my heart. If you can also relate, I feel you sis. It’s exhausting.
5. You hate men and you are hatching an evil plan:
Starting over who? Haq haq haq. You hate men and you are hatching an evil plan. You have an underground lab where you’ll kidnap men and extract semen in large quantities. You have plans of creating the first female country. You also want to create a database where women can register offending men. The men will be stunned and kidnapped, their reproductive appendages cut off and they will be sent to something like the northern island of Svalbard to mine for the rest of their sorry lives. The ice in Svalbard makes it impossible for people to be buried there and so men that die in service will be tossed into the sea.. muhahahahaha
Love & Light.
Leave a comment, what are your thoughts? Are there any categories you’d like to add?
Recommended Song For The Week:
Perfect song for dancing in front of the mirror in your underwear.
Disclaimer: It’s all just harmless banter. Don’t get your knickers in a twist. Love y’all ❤️.