Hey guys, it’s Le Reina here, yes shocker. I am not dead.

I am currently on my bed in my tiny green room with the heat from my laptop frying my thighs, eyes glazed over, wearing nothing but some old branded tee. My heart is racing and my brain is working overtime trying to put together words that can perfectly express the several emotions I’m feeling right now like the way you would fit together pieces of a jigsaw puzzle except in this case, some pieces are missing.

*cute handwriting innit?*

I am scribbling with so much gusto in my blog planner, telling myself, NO, willing myself to be productive, to believe that I can make something of myself and that I’m not as worthless as the voices in my head (more like evil spirits) scream.

These past months, I have sunk deeper and deeper than I ever have, I hit the bottom of the Mariana Trench, but I didn’t drown/die like I thought I would instead I stayed, I set up camp at the bottom, got comfortable even. I was literally a zombie (a sexy one). All the progress I’d made throughout the years were out the window. My smiles were mechanic and I’d programmed myself to say “I’m just there” to anyone who asked how I was doing.

How’d you get out of that you might ask, well it was recently when I was in Ibadan chilling at the Awo Stadium with one of my best girls Ayo. It was a gloomy morning and we had just shared a plate of spaghetti and turkey and washed it down with a bottle of chilled zobo. I was trying my very best to soak up the pseudo-peace and the semi-high i was feeling from the wind and the swaying of trees and the chirping of birds and the view of the University half covered in dew. Through it all, I heard Ayo’s voice; she said “guyyy” and I replied “guyyyyyyyyyyy” and then I knew. I had an epiphany, I knew I had to swim to the surface, I knew I had to retrace my steps, go back to the drawing board, find out what pushed me into the ocean in the first place.

Have I discovered any new information that has turned me for the better? The answer is No; I’m still a hot mess. The only difference now is I will not shut you guys out. So in the spirit of retracing my steps and going back to the drawing board, I have decided to blog again. It took stopping to realize how much I actually like putting out stuff for y’all to read. Don’t worry there won’t be this much soul searching and brooding in my subsequent posts. I’ll still be my cheery/witty self you guys adore.

 

Love & Light.

 

Leave a comment, how do you keep your head above the water?

 

Recommended song for the week:

Parra for Cuva is a German DJ, this song’s mellow vibes is perfect for evening drives with the “love of your life”. Enjoy.

 

Word for the week:

If you’re new here, Thank you for stopping by, check out my previous posts, click here. Send an email to [email protected], let’s be besties.

 

 

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Written by

Le Reina

My name is Esther, Queen Esther. I am a Nigerian psychologist navigating blindly through this tornado called life. The words best used to describe me are witty, pretty, chubby and bubbly. Welcome to my blog.