Back To The Drawing Board.

Hey guys, it’s Le Reina here, yes shocker. I am not dead.

I am currently on my bed in my tiny green room with the heat from my laptop frying my thighs, eyes glazed over, wearing nothing but some old branded tee. My heart is racing and my brain is working overtime trying to put together words that can perfectly express the several emotions I’m feeling right now like the way you would fit together pieces of a jigsaw puzzle except in this case, some pieces are missing.

*cute handwriting innit?*

I am scribbling with so much gusto in my blog planner, telling myself, NO, willing myself to be productive, to believe that I can make something of myself and that I’m not as worthless as the voices in my head (more like evil spirits) scream.

These past months, I have sunk deeper and deeper than I ever have, I hit the bottom of the Mariana Trench, but I didn’t drown/die like I thought I would instead I stayed, I set up camp at the bottom, got comfortable even. I was literally a zombie (a sexy one). All the progress I’d made throughout the years were out the window. My smiles were mechanic and I’d programmed myself to say “I’m just there” to anyone who asked how I was doing.

How’d you get out of that you might ask, well it was recently when I was in Ibadan chilling at the Awo Stadium with one of my best girls Ayo. It was a gloomy morning and we had just shared a plate of spaghetti and turkey and washed it down with a bottle of chilled zobo. I was trying my very best to soak up the pseudo-peace and the semi-high i was feeling from the wind and the swaying of trees and the chirping of birds and the view of the University half covered in dew. Through it all, I heard Ayo’s voice; she said “guyyy” and I replied “guyyyyyyyyyyy” and then I knew. I had an epiphany, I knew I had to swim to the surface, I knew I had to retrace my steps, go back to the drawing board, find out what pushed me into the ocean in the first place.

Have I discovered any new information that has turned me for the better? The answer is No; I’m still a hot mess. The only difference now is I will not shut you guys out. So in the spirit of retracing my steps and going back to the drawing board, I have decided to blog again. It took stopping to realize how much I actually like putting out stuff for y’all to read. Don’t worry there won’t be this much soul searching and brooding in my subsequent posts. I’ll still be my cheery/witty self you guys adore.

 

Love & Light.

 

Leave a comment, how do you keep your head above the water?

 

Recommended song for the week:

Parra for Cuva is a German DJ, this song’s mellow vibes is perfect for evening drives with the “love of your life”. Enjoy.

 

Word for the week:

If you’re new here, Thank you for stopping by, check out my previous posts, click here. Send an email to [email protected], let’s be besties.

 

 

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Le Reina

My name is Esther, Queen Esther. I am a Nigerian psychologist navigating blindly through this tornado called life. The words best used to describe me are witty, pretty, chubby and bubbly. Welcome to my blog.

32 thoughts on “Back To The Drawing Board.

  • April 2, 2021 at 1:38 pm
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    Wow. LRB!!! The piece made me feel so emotional as I was reading it. The way you explained what you went through with words and the way you made your readers understand that life can only be conquered by standing tall and seeing it to the end. Weldone dear, I’m so glad you’re back and I’m seriously rooting for you. Keep soaring higher, the sky is just your starting point, rule it❤️❤️.

    Reply
    • April 2, 2021 at 1:40 pm
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      My dear Clementine!!!! I’m glad you enjoyed it. It’s good to be back. Thank you so much❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
  • April 2, 2021 at 2:16 pm
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    Welcome back Esther! I’ll be watching this space!

    P.S. I don’t mind you being broody and all. Bring it on: broody and cheery. I’ll gladly take it all. ❤

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    • April 2, 2021 at 2:17 pm
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      Awww Thank you so much Ada❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
  • April 2, 2021 at 2:18 pm
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    Good to have you backkkk
    I missed you!!!!

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    • April 2, 2021 at 2:19 pm
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      Glad to be back, miss you too!!!❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
  • April 2, 2021 at 2:56 pm
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    It’s great to have you back. True, life is such a rollercoaster, highs and lows, but we keep riding it out. Love the notebooks and pens bit. Look who’s had an Easter comeback, like our dear Jesus. ✨

    Reply
    • April 2, 2021 at 3:11 pm
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      It’s good to be back, like our dear Jesus 😂😂😂 thank you for stopping by!!❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
    • April 3, 2021 at 7:45 am
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      One of the best things about living/drowning/‘dying’ is how deep these things go. In your head, you’d be like ‘finally, I have hit rock bottom’ but then you sink deeper. Bringing yourself out of such hole will take mighty soul searching, tenacity, strength especially on your weakest days and love. I hope that as you continue to navigate/vibe through life, your life becomes easier and we your readers continue to be a part that learn so much from you giving yourself to us. Thank you and love you LRB.

      Reply
      • April 3, 2021 at 8:51 am
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        Thank you for this Sewa!❤️❤️❤️ I love you more😘

        Reply
  • April 2, 2021 at 2:59 pm
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    My guy, this was an awakening piece to me as well, I haven’t vlogged in over a year due to hitting rock bottom as well and even my fashion business hmm let’s just leave that one like that. Let me just tell you a big thank you very much for this piece, it feels like someone grabbed me out of the ocean right before I die. I wish you all the best dearie and my prayers are with you we’d definitely rise above this by God’s grace. Nice to see you back here I have missed you real big❤️💡

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    • April 2, 2021 at 3:14 pm
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      Damn girl we are coming out better and stronger!!!❤️❤️❤️ it’s good to be back, I missed blogging but I missed interacting and sharing and comments like this moreeeee. Thank you for stopping by my dear Kezia!❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
  • April 2, 2021 at 3:56 pm
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    Awwwn,Aunty Estherrrrrr 🥺🥺👉👈 this is so amazinggggggg, it’s good to have you back🥺❤️

    Reply
    • April 2, 2021 at 4:06 pm
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      Thank you my baby❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
  • April 2, 2021 at 4:12 pm
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    Finally!
    It is good to have you back. We love you from this end, Queen Esther. More creativity and strength.

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    • April 2, 2021 at 4:13 pm
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      Thank you so much baby girl, it’s so good to be back❤️❤️❤️

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      • April 2, 2021 at 5:17 pm
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        Wow!…wat an interesting piece 😍reading it for the first time and i loove it… It’s a total reflection of my life right now, it’s really encouraging
        Wehdone girl…. It’s good to have you back😘

        Reply
        • April 2, 2021 at 5:19 pm
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          Damn it’s good that I’m not alone, thank you so much for stopping by♥️🥰🥰🥰, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

          Reply
  • April 2, 2021 at 5:24 pm
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    It’s sooo good to have you back!!!!! Let’s go!!! And we’ll be here all the way 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

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    • April 2, 2021 at 5:28 pm
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      Thank you❤️❤️❤️

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      • April 2, 2021 at 5:56 pm
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        1st time here
        And I feel you on a deep level. I accepted my defeat for a while and just lay down on the ground, gazing at the sky hoping my soul to leave my flesh and at that moment I realized I still want to chop life and be happy. So I show up for my self and not focus on whatever goals I have that boxes you in.

        I hope you find your peace
        Thanks again for the read

        Reply
        • April 2, 2021 at 6:43 pm
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          Omg thank you for this! I’m really glad you’re here, Welcome❤️

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  • April 2, 2021 at 6:59 pm
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    Esther!!!!
    So good to have you back babe🎉💃

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    • April 2, 2021 at 6:59 pm
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      Thanks love!!!❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
  • April 2, 2021 at 7:24 pm
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    Woow I loove the way you write!
    And that you dared to go deep into your emotional state 🙌🏽 I would be happy to read both the ups and the downs girl 🙏🏽 Much love from Italy ❤️

    Reply
    • April 2, 2021 at 7:26 pm
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      Awww Celine, thank you so much for this❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
  • April 2, 2021 at 8:28 pm
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    Welcome back, babes.

    Reply
    • April 2, 2021 at 8:28 pm
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      Thanks love♥️

      Reply
  • April 3, 2021 at 1:07 am
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    I’ve waited so long for this 😫😫❤. I’m not sure sleeping beauty had to wait this long for her prince 😂. It’s great to have you back Oti Mama ❤

    Reply
    • April 3, 2021 at 2:58 am
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      Awwwww thank you so much 😂❤️❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
  • April 3, 2021 at 1:12 am
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    Good to have you back Esther!

    Reply
    • April 3, 2021 at 2:57 am
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      Thank you!❤️

      Reply

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