La la Land, The Deep End and The Space Between.

Hey guys, WELCOME back to my blog.

 

There is nothing much to say as an introduction. My real name is Esther (boring I know) and I ran a successful blog from January 2020 – April 2021 and then I stopped. I am currently at my desk at work (yes I work now), sipping my fourth cup of coffee (it’s free), wearing a black dress and seeing flashes of Jason Momoa wearing only socks in my head. As the successful excuse giver that I am, I was thinking about the perfect title for a post that explains my long absence. I mean I had written and rewritten several and this current one was the only one that seemed to stick.

 

La La Land – ‘An expression used to describe the mental state of someone who is not aware of what is really happening’.

 

2020 was crazy, but you see 2021, 2021 was demonic. I was in La la land, detached from reality, a complete disinterest from the world around me and also having a great apathy for life and living. This went on for days which rolled into weeks and into months. I found solace in hearing the squishy sound which comes from unwrapping a large bar of Mars chocolate while watching sexy gym rats flex their muscles on YouTube. Imagine this; porky bespectacled Esther, wolfing down packs of chocolate like I had a gun to my head (eat or die!) watching grown thong-wearing men groan and make weird faces (flex their muscles). Anyway, special shoutout to Daniel Shoneye, call me.

The main reason I stopped writing was I felt like the whole sad-girl-depressed-queen vibe I had going on was becoming my aesthetic. For once, instead of wearing depression like a shiny prefect’s badge, I wanted to be truly happy, and in turn write happy things. I guess I was just chilling for that big break. The big break is not here but I’m not going to be the ungrateful narrow-minded brat I usually am and so I’m going to acknowledge the fact that life has been easier.

Another major reason I stopped writing here was because I wanted to fit in. Yes, as mundane as that sounds, It is the truth. Theodore Roosevelt wasn’t lying when he said comparison is the thief of joy. I have always had this baby girl/nerd conflict inside of me. I mean why should I be posting links to blog posts when I can be posting me shaking my ass on a yacht in Dubai in a thong. Well, I have come to realize that I can in fact do both. I will also stop listening to people’s opinion of what my life as a 24 year old female should be.

Deadlines are another thing that gave me anxiety. This new era for the blog will have zero deadlines but of course I will try to post as frequently as I can. I am trying to stay in the space between la la land and the deep end. Trust me when I say I have experience in being in both extremes. They are very peaceful but life was made to be lived. Feeling emotions are what makes us human. I might still be retaining some qualities from when I was a goldfish in my past life and so bear with me if I’m weird.

 

Out with the old! In with the new!

 

Love & Light.

 

Leave a comment, How was life been for you?

 

 

 

561 words with no picture breaks. When last did you read text this long?

 

 

Recommended song for the week:

Peggy Gou is a South Korean DJ and record producer based in Germany. This song is best enjoyed when you are very late for work and the outfits you have arranged to wear have failed you and now you’ve stepped out wearing your dad’s old rumpled shirt; the bike guy gave you torn 50 naira and you’re declining your boss’s incessant calls. Enjoy!

 

Recommended word for the week:

Incessant meaning

 

 

If you’re new here, Thank you for stopping by, check out my previous posts, click here. Send an email to [email protected], let’s be besties.

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Le Reina

My name is Esther, Queen Esther. I am a Nigerian psychologist navigating blindly through this tornado called life. The words best used to describe me are witty, pretty, chubby and bubbly. Welcome to my blog.

27 thoughts on “La la Land, The Deep End and The Space Between.

  • February 4, 2022 at 5:50 am
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    I didn’t realize how much I missed your blog till now🥺

    Reply
    • February 4, 2022 at 6:04 am
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      Thanks my love❤️

      Reply
  • February 4, 2022 at 6:21 am
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    Welcome back Queen ❤️

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    • February 4, 2022 at 6:25 am
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      Thanks❤️

      Reply
    • February 5, 2022 at 8:14 am
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      Welcome back Lereina! This was a nice one as always and I like your new outlook on life. The part that stuck out to me was “ I am trying to stay in the space between la la land and the deep end” because aren’t we all. Can’t wait to read more from you.

      Reply
      • February 5, 2022 at 8:15 am
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        Thank you so much❤️

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        • February 5, 2022 at 6:35 pm
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          I’m curious.

          Do you know your MBTi personality and is it ISFP?

          Reply
          • February 5, 2022 at 7:29 pm
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            It’s INFJ actually

          • February 5, 2022 at 7:29 pm
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            Any specific reason why you thought ISFP?

  • February 4, 2022 at 6:33 am
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    Esther, thank you very much for this, I really want to hug you right now but someday I will. In as much as this was about you like always I can relate as well. Firstly, before anything I want to apologize for not checking up on you as much as I wanted to girl still you know I will always love you. OMG!!! heavy on “comparison is the thief of joy” girl, I also stopped vlogging because of this and also cause I felt worn out but somehow this post is giving me ginger to record something tomorrow and just do whatever I do best and stay in the moment even though I still feel like I have nothing to give but mama I am so proud and honored at the same time. Proud of you for coming back and honored that I get to read this and it’s just a very emotional something. The way I leaped for joy when I saw this, girl 💋.. I don’t even know if half of what I am saying makes sense but much love sweetheart.

    Reply
    • February 4, 2022 at 8:57 am
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      My love❤️❤️❤️. Distance has nothing on us! Just keep pushing, we’ll get there someday.

      Reply
  • February 4, 2022 at 6:44 am
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    Welcome back 😊😉

    Reply
    • February 4, 2022 at 8:55 am
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      Thank you❤️

      Reply
    • February 5, 2022 at 9:05 am
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      How I loved to read this!!!

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      • February 5, 2022 at 9:15 am
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        Thanks baby❤️

        Reply
  • February 4, 2022 at 6:49 am
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    We missed you so much !! Thank you for gracing us with this amazing piece 👑. The Jason momoa part was sending me 😂😂

    Reply
    • February 4, 2022 at 8:54 am
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      My G! Thank you so much❤️. We all love Jason Momoa.😛

      Reply
  • February 4, 2022 at 7:01 am
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    I read text this long everyday 🙂: I teach Literature 🙂.
    January was the month of worrying and pondering and so life hasn’t been so great. But I think I’m taking on a more live each day kind of approach to life and instead focusing on my skin and looks 😅.
    It seems to be working.
    I’m glad you’re back and yes, you can do both. Deadlines are nasty and sometimes unnecessary. I for one promise I’ll keep reading even if you don’t follow a rigid schedule. I hope you stay in the light babe and I hope that even when you wander in the dark, you’ll be back in the light before you know it ❤

    Reply
    • February 4, 2022 at 8:51 am
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      Thank you so much Ada!❤️❤️❤️

      Reply
  • February 4, 2022 at 3:18 pm
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    This is one of the best posts i’ve read on your blog. The fact that you were true to yourself and you wrote like you were pouring out your heart to someone. Baby girl, I know life can be so tough but i’m happy you’re taking it one step after the other. Who cares about deadlines? Take your time and we’d always be here to read your wonderful posts. Like i’ve always told you, I’m super proud of you, and trust me, the sky is just your springboard❤️❤️. Fighting!!!

    Reply
    • February 4, 2022 at 3:20 pm
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      My babe, thank you very much❤️. Fighting!!!

      Reply
  • February 5, 2022 at 12:23 am
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    Welcome back!
    I definitely roll with the moderation idea, extremes in every cases are always bad news in psychology. It’s good to know you’re OK.. But hey! Easy on the coffee, caffeine addiction is a thing.

    I have been fine mostly, I met a lot of people last year and I had the opportunity to really do what I love – teach psychology. UI frustrated my life though, spent the whole year processing my transcript and missed out on a number of really cool opportunities. But then all is well.

    Oh I read this much and more sef, project works, research articles, SOPs, Textbooks, exam scripts etc.

    It’s really nice having you back Le Reina😊

    Reply
    • February 5, 2022 at 8:07 am
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      You know I love coffee 😂😂😂 I’m glad you’re finally doing what you love. Really happy for you! Ui is definitely frustrating, I’m dreading starting the process sef😩

      Reply
  • February 5, 2022 at 1:56 pm
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    I’ve re-read your old posts so many times. It’s refreshing to read something new from the Madame.

    Love it!!!

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    • February 5, 2022 at 4:38 pm
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      Thanks my love!❤️

      Reply
  • February 21, 2022 at 11:38 am
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    2021 was actually demonic .. it was hell on every angle. But I learnt and learnt things the hard way… learnt it’s Ok to not be ok, learnt to ask for help when I’m in need, learnt to put myself first and say “fuck you” to every unrealistic standard. I wish every one the best as we navigate this life. Wish it came with a manual tho.

    Reply
    • February 21, 2022 at 11:39 am
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      Well said, really wish life came with a manual! thank you for this ❤️

      Reply

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